Dimanche 18 Décembre 2005 à 16:02
#1
Spéciale dédicace à Boris!
1. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.
2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
3. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
4. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse . . . horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When the project leader asked him about this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Then he roundhouse kicked him.
6. The X-Men character "Wolverine" is actually based on Chuck Norris, only toned down so as not to upset children.
7. Chuck Norris wears bio-engineered Wrangler jeans that don't rip when he kicks.
8. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
9. In the filming of When Harry Met Sally, Chuck Norris was used to induce Meg Ryan's allegedly fake orgasm by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".
10. Chuck Norris was originally going to be Kenny on the movie, "Half Baked" but could not because every time they did the scene with the horse the Walker Texas Ranger theme music started playing out of nowhere.
11. Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
12. Chuck Norris used to be a regular guest on Sesame Street, until Snuffleupagus accidentally ate his sandwich. Many muppets died that fateful day on Sesame Street.
13. Chuck Norris did not read the terms of agreement, but clicked the "I Agree" button anyway.
14. Every Chuck Norris film ever made was a documentary film about Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Even More Chuck Norris Facts
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
9. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
10. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
11. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
12. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
13. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
15. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Even Even More Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris wasn't born like a normal child. He instead punched his way out of his mother's womb. He grew a beard shortly thereafter.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him, 'How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?' Chuck Norris then screamed 'How dare you ryhme in the presence of Chuck Norris!' and ripped her throat out. Holding her jugular vein above his head, he screamed 'Don't fuck with Chuck!'. 5 months later he realized the irony of this statement, and laughed so hard everyone within a 5 mile radius was instantly killed.
Chuck Norris once gave the blind man the ability to see by rubbing his beard and staring down the blind man's eyes. Tragicly, the only thing the man ever saw was Chuck Norris's foot speeding towards his neck, seconds before his death.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.
The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck.
Chuck Norris doesn't see the color red, he hears it.
Chuck Norris knows exactly where Waldo is on every page. Even the pirate one.
Plume, qui a encore du mal avec le roundhouse kick...
1. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.
2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
3. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
4. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse . . . horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When the project leader asked him about this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Then he roundhouse kicked him.
6. The X-Men character "Wolverine" is actually based on Chuck Norris, only toned down so as not to upset children.
7. Chuck Norris wears bio-engineered Wrangler jeans that don't rip when he kicks.
8. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
9. In the filming of When Harry Met Sally, Chuck Norris was used to induce Meg Ryan's allegedly fake orgasm by pointing at her and saying "Booyah".
10. Chuck Norris was originally going to be Kenny on the movie, "Half Baked" but could not because every time they did the scene with the horse the Walker Texas Ranger theme music started playing out of nowhere.
11. Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
12. Chuck Norris used to be a regular guest on Sesame Street, until Snuffleupagus accidentally ate his sandwich. Many muppets died that fateful day on Sesame Street.
13. Chuck Norris did not read the terms of agreement, but clicked the "I Agree" button anyway.
14. Every Chuck Norris film ever made was a documentary film about Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Even More Chuck Norris Facts
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
9. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
10. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
11. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
12. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
13. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
14. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
15. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Even Even More Chuck Norris Facts
Chuck Norris wasn't born like a normal child. He instead punched his way out of his mother's womb. He grew a beard shortly thereafter.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him, 'How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?' Chuck Norris then screamed 'How dare you ryhme in the presence of Chuck Norris!' and ripped her throat out. Holding her jugular vein above his head, he screamed 'Don't fuck with Chuck!'. 5 months later he realized the irony of this statement, and laughed so hard everyone within a 5 mile radius was instantly killed.
Chuck Norris once gave the blind man the ability to see by rubbing his beard and staring down the blind man's eyes. Tragicly, the only thing the man ever saw was Chuck Norris's foot speeding towards his neck, seconds before his death.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.
The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck.
Chuck Norris doesn't see the color red, he hears it.
Chuck Norris knows exactly where Waldo is on every page. Even the pirate one.
Plume, qui a encore du mal avec le roundhouse kick...
Don't Feed The Troll.
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